Find yourself first.

        (Excerpt from "Six Things My Little Sister Should Know About Dating")     

           Somewhere at my parent’s house, in a corner cupboard, is a scrapbook filled with my childhood. It is bursting with pictures that showcase braces and acne and pitiful fashion choices. Every time I look at it, I am horrified. Then I become instantly grateful. Grateful that those years have passed and that I made it through looking like a real person. I remember that period of awkwardness when I was constantly outgrowing shoes and boys only cared about Legos and no matter how much I begged, Mom still wouldn’t let me wear mascara.

            At some point, things begin feeling normal again. Then you enter high school and suddenly you are worried about calories and cell phones and who the hot guy will ask to homecoming. High school is great in many ways, and you do plenty of growing up. College is another type of a growing up, though. You start to feel like an adult and everyone starts asking you what you will do with your life. So, you plan for the future, because after all, it’s college and you’re supposed to know what you’re doing. These days the hot guy is a loser, so you start to think about who might be the right one for you. It all gets a little intense. Friends get engaged and married and if you aren’t one of them, you begin to feel like maybe those scrapbook pictures are still your reality.

            It’s hard to get a grip on life when so much is changing within and around you. One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned is that if you don’t know yourself, it’s hard to make a dating relationship work. Either you end up with someone completely wrong for you or you compromise in ways you never thought you would. You leave friends in the dust, make that person the center of your world and forget that you had an identity before you met them. Don’t get sucked in. Begin the process of finding yourself first, and then you will have something to offer in a relationship.

            There are two quotes about this topic that I love. The first comes from the pen of Ralph Waldo Emerson who says, “Insist on yourself, never imitate.” The second is from the wise Dr. Seuss who says, “Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” Both of these men understand the importance of finding yourself. Once you discover who you are, don’t apologize for it and don’t change for anyone. The guy who is worth giving your heart to is the one who will love the uniqueness that only you possess.