Big Kid

I am convinced that family reunions are a mild form of torture. There is nothing more mind-numbing than sitting under a backyard tent in the middle of July sipping watered-down lemonade and eating burnt hamburgers with people who share your blood line but know very little about your real life. Family reunions are filled with unbearable small talk about the odd weather we’ve been having, the unpleasant details of Grandma’s knee surgery, the news on which cousin just moved out of the house for a third time, and how the Detroit Tigers just can’t seem to catch a break. And there is always that one aunt. You often find yourself questioning if she is even a member of the family or just stumbled into the yard when she saw the sagging balloons dangling from the mailbox. She wanders around the party, giving everyone a smelly bear hug, exclaiming, “Well, my land! Look how big you’ve gotten!” Although I’m never quite sure if she is referring to the few extra pounds I’ve gained in college or if she is alluding to my more mature hairstyle, I can’t deny the fact that time is rapidly passing. Every year I feel more like a “big kid”.

My freshman year of college was one of adjustment. I was on my own for the first time, making new friends and drinking plenty of coffee. Generally, the year was carefree and most of the time I felt like a kid at summer camp. My second year has been remarkably different yet distinctively special. So far, this semester has been one of growth and pain and worry and joy. It has been filled to the brim with both tears and laughter. As I dive deeper into my courses I am getting a clearer picture of who God has made me to be. I am discovering my passions. I am realizing my weaknesses. I am thinking about the future. And the reality is, the future is not so distant anymore. Sometimes its nearness keeps me awake at night, left alone with my anxious thoughts and the clunking air conditioner. Other times it makes me enthusiastic and expectant, ready to see where God will take me.

Upon entering college, I was set on my field of study and convinced that I knew what I wanted to do after graduation. Looking back, the word naïve comes to mind. I was determined not to be one of “those people” who changed their major, but God decided to humble me and show me that, in fact, I don’t have it all together. I thought I knew what I wanted, but I was wrong. And although it terrifies me to take a new direction, I am eager about the possibilities. Passion is stirring inside of me, and it’s waiting to be unleashed. Apparently, my eccentric aunt was right, I am getting bigger. So, no matter how much I want to deny it or how much it rattles my tidy plans, real life is looming on the horizon just waiting to be grasped.